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Abandonment syndrome: what it is and how to deal with it

sad girl

The abandonment syndrome, although not a real pathology, can make life very difficult. Let's find out what it is and how to deal with it correctly.

We talk about abandonment syndrome every time a person establishes a dependent relationship based on fear of losing the other . It is not a real pathology, nevertheless the consequences are such as to make relationships with others difficult and to cause unpleasant sensations and capable of lowering the quality of life of those who experience this disorder every day.
In fact, those who suffer from it tend to have even extreme behaviors in order not to lose the other person. Which, over time, can lead to toxic or addictive relationships.

Abandonment syndrome: why it occurs and how to recognize it

Suffering from abandonment syndrome means living in constant fear of losing the people you love. It is a problem that occurs mostly within couple relationships but which can also occur in friendships or in relationships of various types and considered important.

sad girl
sad girl

Those who experience it experience constant anxiety at the thought of being left alone, betrayed, abandoned, pushed aside. A fear that depersonalizes , leading to act differently than you usually would and everything to keep close to the person you are afraid of losing.

In general, fear of abandonment tends to occur more easily in people who have actually experienced abandonment. It is therefore a problem present in those who have been abandoned as a child, in those who have experienced an important death in the family or in those who, as a child, have suffered a great betrayal by one of the reference figures.

Even poor care from parents or relatives can trigger this syndrome, leading to always feeling insecure and almost unworthy of being loved.
The lack of proper attention during childhood in fact leads to feeling insecure and anxious, leading to attachment to others in adulthood.

What are the symptoms of abandonment syndrome

Sometimes, recognizing this syndrome can be difficult both for those who experience it firsthand and for those around them. There are in fact attitudes that can be misrepresented with jealousy or love and sensations that can, however, be well disguised.

Going to the most common and usually easiest to recognize symptoms, these are the ones that generally characterize the person suffering from abandonment syndrome:

– Separation anxiety
– Insecurity
– Low self-esteem
– Lack of trust in others
– Tendency to experience relationships in a toxic way
– Emotional instability
– Too easy to bond with others
– Difficulty in being oneself
– Rapid change in feelings one has for others
– Feelings of guilt when the relationship doesn't go as you would like
– Fear that loved ones may die or leave at any moment
– Difficulty establishing long-term relationships

Regarding the last point, often the fear of being abandoned leads to breaking off a relationship in order not to suffer. An attitude that goes against what one feels and which is one of the main causes of suffering for those who constantly fear abandonment.

How to overcome the abandonment syndrome

The first move to overcome the abandonment syndrome is to recognize the problem. Only in this way will those who suffer from it be able to more or less consciously realize the patterns they implement every time they find themselves bonding with someone. Once this is done, it is certainly useful to seek help in psychotherapy in order to eliminate the constant sense of inadequacy and to learn to love yourself for who you are.

In fact, with a suitable therapeutic path it will be possible to analyze and understand fears, trace the cause of the fear of being abandoned and rationalize everything in order to have a thought pattern ready to establish whenever one instinctively finds oneself fearing the abandonment. It is also necessary to learn to be alone, in order to prove to yourself that you don't need others and to seek companionship and affection only as a source of enrichment and not for survival.

In recent times, a form of therapy that seems to work very well in this regard is EMDR which, through desensitization and eye movements, can help overcome traumatic events of the past, giving them a new form and thus being able to bring them back in a healthy way into one's present.

Trying to recognize and deal with the abandonment syndrome is a step to take first of all for yourself and, immediately afterwards, to be able to count on relationships that are true, healthy and able to make life more beautiful and never the other way around.

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